Ibukun's New English Journal

Plan

Intro

1

‘If i be waspish best beware my sting’. Venomous beast, harsh teacher or are they just trying to speak up and their actions are miss read. There treated like objects, abused, undermined and discriminated. This is how women are perceived.

Imagine this-you have no voice. you follow what every someone else says. you opionons, ideas, ambitious but you couldn’t express them, dream of them or strive for them. This is the ordeal of what we all call ‘woman’. Many believed this was the material of a perfect wife.

Most of modern society express that people who thought of this as material never knew what a material was. Clothing doesn’t just do what you want it to do it express who you are inside. <– not sure about this

2

‘If i be waspish best beware my sting’. If i be an object, animal, trophy then beware of the side-effects……………..(not sure what to write for here)

Posted

in

by

ibz7

Tags:

Comments

One response to “Plan”

  1. Christopher Waugh Avatar
    Christopher Waugh

    In the first two paragraphs you have the right idea – but beware of trying to be overly persuasive in an essay. It’s better to write with precision and clarity than to feel you’re having to use language devices to persuade your reader.

    This means avoiding rhetorical questions – those points would be better expressed as statements. An example of this is “are they trying to speak up, and are their actions misread”. You might be better to say:

    “This is the voice of women who are trying to speak up, and whose words are being mis-read or misunderstood by the people around them.”

    Does that make sense?

    I like what you’re trying to say with your clothing metaphor, but again, it might be just as effective to state your idea more simply. Remember the purpose of this essay is to explore what you know and understand about how these two authors express the feelings of women.

    Let me know if you need further explanation – though it’s getting late!

    CW

    Reply

React!